SEPTEMBER 1 8:00, 2021

I teach a course ... the same course I've taught for decades. I could call it DO THE MATH or HOW TO GET RICH or WORK LESS EARN MORE. It's kind of like all the SELF HELP books. They ALL say the SAME THING ! Seriously. They all regurgitate the Bible. The holy prose.

Let's go ... 

Here, let me illustrate ... using another course title—HOW TO FIRE YOUR BIGGEST CLIENT (or QUIT YOUR JOB or WORK FROM HOME/BEACH/SAILBOAT/ANYWHERE or LEARN TO BAKE or you get me ...)

You have to cut ties before you can gain the new. 

Want a new car ? Clean the old one. Inside and out. Clean the garage. Make ready.

Start. Start by loving your old car (job, cubical, bakery ... get me ?). Then. THEN you can do more. Have more. Say more. CLEAN first.

Gawd. We are so fuck'd as humans. We don't get smart until we're old. Fuck youth.

OK, whew. Now, I'm not going to use foul language. I don't like to. It's ok to hear it, unless it's one of my own boys, then ... yeah, that's why I gotta STOP. NOW.

JUNE 8 15:35, 2021
This isn't your typical. It's something of a mashup. A novel. A memoir. I call it a poem, though I don't see any resemblance to rhyme.

It's been a year. An entire year. I think of you everyday. I think of your sister. Sometimes I think about Michael. He sent me a really nice note yesterday. I liked that. You would too.

I've tried to be more like you. I'm not really sure how that's gone. Not caring what people think.

If you were here, I'd say, you know, if someone called me purple, I'd wonder what was wrong with their eyeballs. Why then have I spent three years now, trying to find out what's wrong with me ? It's none of my goddam business what other people think. You'd agree. You'd tell me I'm beautiful. I'm strong. You'd tell me how smart you think I am. You were mostly honest so I didn't always understand. What was behind the love you had for family. For me. I feel it now. Man, do I ever. I miss you goddamit. I miss you so f'n much.

There were years we didn't talk. We were just doing our own thang. I'm so grateful though, for the years we hung out a lot. Jeremy too. I miss you both. Man ... I miss you. I know where Jeremy is. Where are you.


I'm writing now. I realize I can't wait. Knowing you were there one second — gone the next. I saw it. In some twisted miracle, we all did.

Where are you ... I know you aren't gone. I heard yesterday that some scientist concludes the soul is inside us until we die, and when it leaves, our bodies weigh less. Pounds less. 

Where are you ? If it's true all life is energy, is your soul still sending messages ? To you. Or me. 

I'll just pretend. I was always sooo good at that when I was a kid. You know, I'd pretend that I was at work, and the teacher was my boss. I'd watch the clock for lunch break and I'd have lunch with my office mates.

Years later when I was at a job I hated, I'd imagine being in university. Sitting among the privileged. It got me through. In fact I came to look forward to my days using this trick. I use it still.

I don't know about you, but I've always wanted to write. I never felt completely confident with my writing, but it didn't stop me. That's really why these words are present. And, present they are. I'm writing this, RIGHT NOW.

That's right, as this is published, it will be raw, unedited and ... live. You certainly may come upon this writing hours, days, weeks or even decades after it's writing, but it's going out live. Unedited. I don't promise I won't edit it ... just sayin', you'll see what I first wrote, should you be around when I write it ... like this very moment. 

Here we go folks. Let's lay out the gameplan, shall we ? OK << GO !

JUNE16 14:13
I've already forgotten what I was about to write. By the time I logged in, found the page, made a new section, formatted it, reformatted it. Reformatted the last section. Yeah. Forgot it. I'll be back. You know it. I'll be back.

Is this a failure ? No. It's me learning the first hurdle of live writing. Sometimes, you forget what was in your head before you commit it. That's part of writing and I don't let it get me down. I'll be back. You know I will.

What year ? WHAT YEAR ?! I write stuff and then long periods elapse. What am I saying ? They disappear. They do. Watch ... since that last blabber ... it's been, months. Not so long really ... I don't really know. I don't think it was this past June ... or was it ? Who knows. I'll do it right now. I mean, I'll do it right, now. Like, from now on ... gawd. I suck at the writing.

August 28. Oh, 2021. Yeah. We are suddenly at war again. Thanks Biden. I told you. I know I know, I said I wouldn't say it, but I did, in fact, tell you he'd mess everything up. He's doing that and more. Great. Just fu'kn great.

It's 11:57 in the morning. The boys are trimming, ok, raping the pine trees out back. The flower garden will thank them but I'm still worried we'll have a sky-full of sad pine tree.

Where am I ... I wish I had found Barbara Sher sooner. Like, when I was a very young person. I know though, she's still guiding people from beyond. I just met her in a Ted talk and pop, she isn't here in the same way but ... she is changing lives more than ever. A guiding brilliant light.

Oh. I went to my reunion last night. I can hardly type the number. FORTY years ... forty-one if you're really counting. 

We're making a shit-hit-the-fan plan ... to meet up where and when if something terrible happens. We should all be prepared to know where our loved ones are when cell won't work. When electricity isn't working. When the basics we rely on every single day stop being there. What then ? Have a plan. Ask NOW so you aren't caught off guard. Who WHO would have though we'd be long, brutal lockdowns ? Effecting the entire world. Everything happens for a reason. Be prepared. What harm can that do.

If I do that math ... I can think of dozens of things I did ... to try to fit in ...

favors - kimerbly, watering, bruce's time over and over and over and over again, bruce's equipment, over and over and over ... materials, over and over ... gawd. The math.

Have we ever